Why I hate dresses

I don't wear dresses or skirts. I prefer pants and shorts by far. At various times in my life, I have felt that these ridiculous pieces of clothing were necessary to looking dressed-up or professional. Now that I'm older, I have declared a moratorium on impractical clothing. Why? Here are the reasons.

1. When I was in kindergarten I forgot to wear underwear one day. I didn't notice until the teacher approached me when little boys started lying on the ground and looking up my skirt when I walked by. I had no idea why they were doing what they were doing. My teacher, having had a lot of experience with 5 year olds had a spare pair of underwear handy. They were 3-4 sizes too big for me so they required copious amounts of safety pins to keep them up. From then on, dresses had a massive point against them since they allow creepy little boys to look at things that you would rather they not see.

2. I was a very active child. I particularly enjoyed climbing up things and jumping off of them. The picture below illustrates some of the difficulty that girl clothing creates when trying to climb anything.

• Creepy little boys can look up your skirt. 
• You can't swing your legs up to the bar and hang upside down because creepy little boys can look at your underwear.
• The skirt is too constricting to allow full leg movement.
• When you are hanging upside down, the skirt falls down to cover your face and you can't see anything.

3. You have to sit in certain ways to prevent the display of your underwear.

• You can't sit cross-legged unless you have a very wide, long skirt. Cross-legged is still my favourite way to sit.
• You are supposed to keep your legs together when sitting with one leg over the other which is uncomfortable.
• Short steps are often required if the skirt is not loose.

4. Pantyhose used to be required when wearing skirts for work. Pantyhose are evil.

5. You can't wear running shoes with skirts without looking like an idiot. High heels require practice to walk in and can make your feet hurt. At my high school graduation, I wore a dress (and it was truly horrible) with high heels and if not for a boy named Mike, I would have fallen face first on the stage when I got my heel caught on a step.

6. I look like a really bad drag queen in a dress or skirt.